


One Day At A Time

by ginafics



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Domestic, Family Bonding, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mark Lee (NCT)-centric, Problematic Industry, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:00:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25631698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginafics/pseuds/ginafics
Summary: Years later—when things were more solid, when the ground he was standing on was more concrete—somehow Mark felt shaky instead of assured. Lost. Because beneath all of his stage presence and giggly camera personality, there was nothing else.
Relationships: Mark Lee (NCT) & Everyone
Comments: 14
Kudos: 114





	One Day At A Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [princealliance (anaksemuabangsa)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anaksemuabangsa/gifts).



> For Ivo ♡
> 
> I hope you like this :)
> 
> Also [Ateez-One Day At A Time](https://open.spotify.com/track/1eFk8R4OobU7kaAZdfYBKz?si=zFmUSjqxRP-NVU0zKeCkYQ) is the soundtrack of this fic!
> 
> Have some Mark Lee loving hours!

Mark loved his members.

Sometimes to the point that he forgot he was just a 21 year old teenager.

There were two things that he had mastered by being a young idol. First, how to fend for himself—both in the industry and in a country 8,000km away from his home. It was hard for the first few years he got in Seoul, but he was not Mark Lee if he quit and didn't persevere. He didn't get away from Canada without a peep to any of his friends just to get back with his head hanging in shame of failure. Second, how to fend for others—especially to those who were younger than him, but not excluding the older members. He understood the exhaustion that came with surviving off dance practice hours and the mounting fear of being _not_ _enough._ He learned how to take care of those who looked up to him as an older member, how to be seen as dependable just to shake off a small amount of burden from their shoulders—they were basically _children_ back then. But he also learned to not put more burden onto the older members, those who had been in the company way longer than him and were still there with their own emotional baggage. It was equally hard to trade your life as a trainee no matter your age. He had to adapt to that pretty quickly or he would be swept off his feet by the current and got left behind. 

He unlearned things—like how to be the youngest child in the household or how to have his own personal bubble. There was no place for preserving a personal bubble when you lived with so many people over the years. No place for whiny demands unless it was for the cameras. Those were probably the hardest thing he had ever done—to unlearn the sheer foundation he was built upon as a person while growing up, to transition into someone that was completely new on top of learning a whole new culture in a new country. But he managed. He managed to do it in a way that left people in awe. Diligently learning new skills, stacking his personality that could be use as his charm, snatching knowledge and connections from left and right. He transformed from Mark from Canada to Lee Minhyung to Mark Lee of NCT.

The Mark Lee that were loved by so many it got overwhelming sometimes.

Years later—when things were more solid, when the ground he was standing on was more concrete—somehow he felt shaky instead of assured.  _ Lost. _ Because beneath all of his stage presence and giggly camera personality, there was nothing else. He perfected being an idol so much that he was lost when the camera was not rolling. And it wasn't like he regretted being Mark Lee, but he also didn't want to be  _ just  _ Mark Lee. He wanted to be Mark from Vancouver, he wanted to be Lee Minhyung, to be Mark Lee of SuperM, Mark the rapper, Mark Lee leader of NCT Dream—he wanted it all because they were all of him. The best Mark Lee he could offer. And so he tried re-learning all the forgotten habits and the new goals, always growing, developing to be better. Although, it did not come easy.

♤

Mark didn’t know when his mindset that wanted to be the perfect idol Mark changed into wanting to be the Mark that was like no one else. 

Maybe it started when he met Johnny. He looked up to Johnny, deemed him as a role model, something that was more than just a fellow member in a boy group. Johnny had always been so unabashedly himself since the first time they met each other. Sure, he had changed as he trained and then debuted and then making a name for himself—they all changed. But Johnny has always been  _ free _ —unconfined by the regulations that seemed to be choking the rest of them. 

Maybe it never was a fixed point. 

Maybe it was a journey of self-acceptance.

He had always been a little bit jealous at the way Johnny held himself in public—as if he was so certain of himself, maybe not as an idol, but he had never once doubted himself, about who he is, about his roots, about what he lacks in and what he’s good at.

Mark wanted that. He wanted to be certain of himself, to the point that he knows he could trust himself when plunged into a world of uncertainties. Maybe that was what made him stick with Johnny since their trainee days, hoping that he could learn a thing or two from him. And Johnny took him—he basically took all of them—in a stride as he was the one with most experience, somehow appointing himself as the big brother figure, as an unmovable force for them to acknowledge, for them to lean on. 

Mark always thought that it must have been hard to keep being positive all the time, to be the only wall that the rest of them kept coming back to. There never was a single complaint though. Johnny cheered them up in his own way, whether it was to be a human size teddy bear or to be the annoying hyung that kept teasing his dongsaeng with pranks and jokes.

Mark tended to be his number one target, which both annoyed and endeared him all the same. One day, a long time ago, Johnny would be laughing while Mark was drowning in embarrassment. But time flew, and now Mark would be laughing alongside Johnny at his own embarrassing antics. It somehow felt like an exposure therapy, he mused. He was reminded of that day when they were both sitting inside the small tent in the tenth floor’s living room. Johnny was attempting to edit the nonsensical short movie they just made, while Mark took the role to keep the Vlive audience amused. Suddenly Johnny laughed so hard at whatever he saw on his laptop. He laughed with his whole body—loud and unabashed, knocking off the small decorations that surrounded him. Mark could feel the rising heat in his cheeks when he saw what Johnny was laughing about, and yet he couldn’t help himself from laughing with Johnny.

Because Johnny’s laugh was warm and filled to the brim with fondness.

Because Johnny sounded genuinely amused, like what Mark did was genuinely funny to him.

Because, despite all of those things, Johnny still softened the blow with a gentle hand that messed with his hair.

And Mark felt the warmth spreading in his chest as he laughed.

And as they laughed harder at Johnny’s funny scene he could hear Johnny’s voice ringing at the back of his mind. It was an old memory—something that he had accidentally stumbled upon and definitely shouldn’t stay to listen because Johnny was consoling an upset Doyoung at two in the morning and it just  _ wasn’t  _ for Mark to hear.

“Doyoung-ah, sometimes it’s okay to feel more than you should. We do not have to be proper all the time. Let yourself experience the world in a way that doesn’t threaten to break you. I promise it’s okay to be silly and feel stupid sometimes. It’s okay to laugh at yourself, it doesn’t make you less of who you are.”

And somehow Mark felt that in his heart, embraced that advice in his subconsciousness.

He remembered thinking at that moment that as long as Johnny was there to keep showing him how, to keep cushioning his random blows with a normal amount of head pats and tight hugs, the process of accepting his silly self as funny instead of deprecating wouldn’t be a hard journey at all.

♤

However, it was never just Johnny. Mark had a lot of Hyungs that were somehow connected in one wavelength. Once Mark got the idea of just accepting all of himself, they all ended up helping him in their own way. From a simple offer of hug to something as big as unrelentless helping hand in this journey of re-discovering himself.

A reminder that he was never alone—that he needed to stop choosing to be alone.

Like the day Taeil had asked him about his old guitar after dinner. It was the first dinner he spent with the 127 members after a few weeks of making a home out of the practice room and the recording booth. Dreams were having their comeback and everyone had been taking it hard with Jaemin being in the hospital. It felt like losing a limb. Mark had tried his best to be there for the rest of them—to be an anchor they could hold on to. Donghyuck had physically pushed all of them out of the practice room that evening. He threatened Renjun to ask Kun to cook dinner for the Dreamies. He also threatened Mark to walk faster because Doyoung was scolding him by text to “ _ get home at this second _ ”. They still had the decency to feel guilty at Doyoung and Taeyong incessant scolding before eventually devouring Taeyong's amazing cooking.

Taeil cut him before he could hide in his room after dinner, asking Mark to come to their balcony with his guitar—an old and abandoned thing that was slowly gathering dust in the corner of his room. When Mark arrived on the balcony, Taeil had already preoccupied one of the lounging chairs with his own guitar. Once Mark was seated comfortably, Taeil offered his hand, asking for Mark’s guitar. Mark flinched harshly at how out of tune it sounded when Taeil strummed the strings.

Taeil chuckled at the embarrassment that colored Mark’s cheeks pink.

“When was the last time you touched this thing, Mark?” he then said amusedly. Mark could feel the way his heart fell to his stomach slowly because he couldn’t remember.

The gaze Taeil sent him softened considerably, but his hands kept tuning Mark’s guitar gently, like the guitar was a priceless possession.

“Mark,” he looked up once again when his name was called. Taeil sent him a gentle smile as he returned Mark’s guitar, good as new. “Don’t forget why you’re here, okay? You’re no longer a musician once you abandon your instrument.”

Mark felt the sentence like a slap to his face. He wasn’t sure if he knew what he was anymore, if he remembered his own dream. He danced, he wrote lyrics, he practiced his skills, and he tried to be a good groupmate. Those were all he knew to do, all he remembered to be.

Taeil strummed his own guitar with a familiar chord progression, looking at Mark as if he’s waiting for him to join—as if Mark had the choices to join him or to go back to his room. 

At that exact moment Mark had an earth-shattering epiphany: he always had a choice. 

Since that day Mark chose to endure being a trainee and to debut as an idol instead of going back to Canada, he always had a choice. 

Because he didn’t abandon his future members no matter how annoying Donghyuck was or how tiring it was to survive school back then. 

Because he chose them over the easy way out and now they chose him. They chose Mark—Mark’s well being, Mark’s freedom, Mark’s rights to feel loved and appreciated—over their professional job. And that meant being scolded when he wasn’t taking care of himself, that meant coming home to amazing home-cooked meals, that meant taking a time of their own busy day to shake the burden off Mark’s shoulder by guitar jamming for hours under Seoul’s night sky.

“Hyung, thank you,” Mark had said sincerely after the night air had been too cold to endure without a jacket, forcing them to stop their jamming session for the night. His shoulders felt lighter. Sure, his problems didn’t go away magically, but now Mark felt like he could take on them without being beaten down at the end. He had fun, for the first time in a long time,  _ he _ had fun—it felt like rekindling with his sounds, making amends with the music he had unconsciously grown to be exhausted of.

“Don’t mind it,” Taeil answered with his eerie serene smile. Taeil had always been mysterious like that, as if he knew what each and every one of them needed and how to help them. “Just remember this feeling. You don’t always have to be responsible all the time, Mark, you don’t have to  _ try _ to take care of everyone all the time.”

Mark wasn’t sure if he could do that. Those were all that he knew. 

He said as much. Maybe Taeil indeed knew how to help him.

“We’re good now, we’re in a steady climb up. You’re allowed to be reckless, to do what you want, to know who you are and who you want to be. We’re in a place that allows all of us to do that. Shake off all of those heavy metal chains that hold you back.”

Could he? Could he possibly do that? What if he took a wrong step and became the reason for their downfall? A steady climb couldn’t afford them the safety like being at the top.

“It’s my responsibility to look after all of you.” Taeil said as a response to his musings. As if it was okay even if they fall, as if he would be the one to catch them all from falling to their despair. “I’m always behind you Mark. Don’t worry about anything else because I got your back.”

The sentence reverberated inside his mind, an echo that kept him awake all night. And when the sun greeted his sleepless brain, the sentence had become a blanket—a warm and safe blanket that put his thoughts at ease. Because Taeil got his back and Mark had never once seen a broken promise from the man.

And maybe that was Mark’s starting point. His first step to relearn all of the things he had forgotten existed. Knowing that Taeil got his back, he had dared himself to take a leap.

♤

Well, if he thought that the first step hadn’t been easy, then taking more steps into the journey felt like a nightmare. The worst part of it was how Mark didn’t know how to balance being the perfect SM idol and being the normal person Mark. Doyoung was the best at doing that. He could switch from being Doyoung and Dongyoung as easy as turning on a light. A step into their dorm and suddenly all the tight professionality was shed in front of their door, like stepping out of a second skin. Mark couldn’t do that. 

But just like everything else in the world, his problems also had a silver lining. And his silver lining came in the form of Lee Donghyuck—his second nightmare probably, but also his best friend. The Donghyuck that Mark knew in the training system had grown up to be Lee Haechan. He was comfortable at being Haechan because Haechan wasn’t just an idol. Haechan was everything that Donghyuck had wanted to be while growing up, an actualized dream. Mark adored that about him— _ admired _ that. Although, there were times when the old Donghyuck shone brighter than Haechan. 

Like when he couldn’t help himself from offering help to the other members.

He grew up being the oldest in his household. That instinct to take care and to help others couldn’t be deleted just because he was the youngest in the group now. But he was always good at controlling it, only being stubborn and persistent with his help when he deemed it truly important. Like the way he had forced Johnny to sit down with him in their room and talked about his feelings about being so involved in the making of their new album. Talking about feelings turned to talking about struggles, and the next thing Mark knew Johnny and Donghyuck had suddenly become a force to be reckoned with inside the recording booth and on stage.

Donghyuck had never forced Mark to sit down with him and have a talk about his struggle. But they grew up together, Mark knew Donghyuck more than he knew himself and vice versa. Donghyuck didn’t need a serious talk to know how to be Mark’s silver lining. Maybe he didn’t know it. Maybe he was just helping Mark by trusting his instinct, but it worked. Donghyuck became the balance that he needed, Mark’s anchor from spiralling even further from himself.

From the simplest thing that Mark might not catch if they weren’t basically attached at the hip, like the way Donghyuck bought some strange combination of juice when Mark bought black coffee, just so they could trade because Mark never liked coffee that much. Like the way Donghyuck bought pizza for the dorm’s cheat day instead of chicken because Mark had been craving it for weeks. Like the way Donghyuck taught him the Boom choreography so that he didn't fumble if a fan asked him to do it. Like the way Donghyuck had to physically remove him from the dance studio because  _ “Dammit, Mark, it’s 4 a.m.”.  _

Donghyuck took care of Mark in a way that he needed it, forcefully, never leaving a space for argument. He let Mark be the older brother figure for the both of them because it brought Mark comfort when he could take care of Donghyuck. Donghyuck played the role of an annoying clingy maknae and Mark as the exasperated hyung. And by doing that, Donghyuck became Mark’s comfort zone to come back to when it was tiring to explore the outside of his bubble. 

Donghyuck was familiar. He had provided a safe space in between his arms for Mark to hide when it was overwhelming to be the perfect idol years ago. Even though now Mark came back to it when it was tiring to be everything but an idol, Donghyuck was still familiar. The space in between his arms was still as safe as it was years ago.

Maybe he was more of a home than a silver lining.

♤

It got easier—to let himself be taken care of, to find himself a hobby, to not let his life revolve around his occupation as an idol. It got easier to dig a hole in the middle of the group and make it a home, to find his place in the group. Because it wasn’t only him that felt the need to change. They were in a steady climb up. Sometimes they tried something new and got lost. Other times, they stumbled and toppled down the mountain. They changed and they grew, finding the things they could work with and the things they could work on. They challenged themselves as a group and as individuals. They had small rivalries in between the members just as a way to be better, to be stronger as individuals before they came back together as a group. They grew at their own rates, learning things at their own pace. And sometimes a shift happened that forced the rest of them to catch up. Like when Donghyuck came back from his hiatus in his most perfect shape or when Jaehyun decided to throw away his idol image and let himself shine in front of cameras.

Mark held on to the familiariaties when these shifts happened—held on to what he knew because power shifts were always messy. It struck the group with a lot of invisible tension to not get left behind, and sometimes Mark was afraid to be carried away by the current. These days, he had been holding on to Yuta and the older welcomed him with open hands. The group had been shifting so much. There were a lot of forces being locked into place that somehow made them feel undefeatable. It was almost worrying when the fans could tell that things were changing. Kick It had somehow felt like Firetruck all over again—a familiar territory where they suddenly put 200% of their effort into, but this one didn’t leave them dying in exhaustion. And Mark could feel it, the way he was teetering too close to the edge, a moment before he got washed away by the current. 

The itch to prove himself to God knows who—the itch to push himself to achieve some unrealistic dream with some unrealistic reasons.

Yuta had offered his hand for him to hold on to and Mark didn’t let him go—as if Yuta was his lifeline. Mark was scared that he would go back to that hole if he let go. He had come so far. Graduating from NCT Dream, The Neo Origin Concert, going back to Vancouver for a moment, and even being in SuperM had helped him so much in discovering himself as a person and an artist. But Mark mostly held onto Yuta because more than just familiar, he was a constant. Mark had known Yuta since 2012, and although he changed, it was never drastic. Yuta knew what he wanted and how to get there from the first day. He was even more certain than Johnny, it was almost terrifying. It should be terrifying, but it just gave Mark a sense of safety because Yuta just kept growing. He kept walking towards his goal every single day, little by little, a habit that they just got used to when they lived together. Yuta was a steady development, not a sudden burst of motivation and explosive growth that triggered Mark's fight or flight instinct.

Yuta let him hold on when they were in front of cameras despite the backlash that they might get out of it. Even when Mark read the cruel tweets and comments, he didn't let go. Mark didn't think Yuta would let him until they were both certain that he was ready. Some accused Yuta of faking it in front of the cameras, after all they were never this close publicly before. Some accused Mark to be Winwin's substitute—a mere idea of Yuta's counterpart for fanservice, as if they were nothing but that, as if they were strangers once the cameras were turned off. And sometimes it annoyed Mark because people accused so much of them without knowing the real truth, but then Yuta's presence would bring him back to their reality. In those moments, Mark would be grateful towards the relief and warmth that only Yuta could bring to his chest.

Mark reminded himself that despite all of the accusations, he knew their truth. He knew that the gentle fingers that found their way to massage the back of Mark's neck after a tiring schedule, to play with his foldable ears, to stroke his hair at early hours in the morning when Mark couldn't sleep always felt the same—whether it was 2012 or 2017 or 2020, whether Winwin was with them or with WayV, those fingers kept holding on to Mark the same way until he could walk on his own again.

The arms that engulfed him in the warmest hug had never changed a little bit since 2012, always steady and strong when Mark wasn't. And for that Mark would always be grateful.

♤

Mark often forgot that Jaehyun and Jungwoo were older than him. Simply because they didn't act like it. They were two of the most laid back people Mark had ever met besides Taeil—even Taeil still had his “oldest member” moments. Jaehyun and Jungwoo never put age and seniority as something big in their group dynamics, granted there were also a part of the maknae line of the group, but even towards Haechan, they were never big on pushing the seniority agenda.

Jaehyun tended to tag along with anything the younger members proposed at him.

And Jungwoo encouraged basically everything funny and chaotic which worked horrifyingly well with Haechan  _ and  _ Jaehyun.

Mark was the one who usually acted as the oldest between all of them. On most days, it worked perfectly well. Haechan, Jaehyun, and Jungwoo would play their video games loudly until 4 a.m., and Mark would be the responsible one who banged on whoever’s room they were playing in to shut them up and ordered them to go to sleep. On the days where everything seemed to be falling apart and breaking at the seams—where it would be a miracle if Mark could find the mere motivation to actually get out of his bed—their dynamics fell apart.

But it's okay.

Because when those days came along, Mark was reminded why Jaehyun and Jungwoo were older than him. The days where Mark felt trapped in his own dorm, Jungwoo would miraculously appear by his side, simply asking Mark to get some food with him for the dorm because Taeyong was too lazy to cook. Mark would agree despite knowing that calling the delivery service would be faster. On the days where his body felt too heavy to move out of the bed, Jaehyun would come along and pull Mark along to his basketball night hang out. The days where they didn't take no as an answer because Mark needed it without saying a word, those reminded Mark of why they were older than him.

The sheer intuition that something was not okay with him and the will to change that. 

And maybe Mark was selfish because he wanted it. He wanted to take and take and  _ take _ any comfort they offered to him. He was scared that it might run out one day, but he was still here—sitting in their small kitchen as Jungwoo made himself busy, cooking four packs of ramen for three people and Jaehyun was simply vibrating next to a very exhausted Mark, letting him feed off from the happy energy they exuded. It had been years and the love and comfort he kept craving for weren't depleted yet. Maybe their hearts were too big for the amount of love they had, so they let him consume any excess that was overflowing.

And so Mark take, and take,  _ and take _ —as long as they let him be selfish, Mark would take every cuddle that Jaehyun would offer him on bad nights that always ended with wet cheeks. He would let Jungwoo steal every kiss on the heavy days that didn't allow any sunlight into his room.

Because they reminded him that it was okay to sleep in sometimes, it was okay to make mistakes and to slip up from his responsible persona. It was okay to not care so much about the world—about  _ his  _ world, no matter how small or big it was because the world would still turn. 

They would still be there to take care of him.

♤

Sometimes Mark avoided Doyoung.

It was honestly nothing personal, but Doyoung's love language was basically nagging everyone to take better care of themselves, and in some days, it annoyed Mark to no end.

Because they obviously knew that they came first before anything else in their life, but most of the time their job forbade that from happening. It wasn't like he wanted to abandon his own health or anything, but there were lyrics that needed to be written, there were choreographies to be perfected, there were songs to be recorded. Sometimes more sleeping hours, grumbling stomach that begged for a quick lunch, and tired muscles needed to be pushed to the back of his head for the jobs to be done.

And Mark hated when he got scolded for that, especially when it came from Doyoung because the guilt that ate his insides always hit him worse.

Because he hated disappointing Doyoung more than he hated getting scolded.

However nagging was still Doyoung’s way of showing his love to everyone, and that meant Mark couldn’t avoid Doyoung when he became persistent—when Doyoung needed it to feel at ease, especially when the things that worried him had been going on for so long.

And that was how they found Doyoung anxiously waiting for Mark and Taeyong’s arrival in the darkness of their living room. It was 2 a.m. and everyone had probably retreated to their slumber except Doyoung—because Doyoung worried and worried and tired himself out by worrying for others. Unfortunately, Mark and Taeyong just finished their SuperM’s new comeback practice and almost couldn’t stand on their own, exhausted to the bone after 8 hours straight of practice. And now they had to face Doyoung's wrath.

Mark could feel Doyoung’s disapproving glare and disappointed sigh. He almost flinched at the sound, expecting Doyoung’s next action to be a harsh one. He could also feel Taeyong tensed right beside him. But the fingers that hesitantly touched each of their hands were gentle, and Mark wanted to slap himself for thinking the worst of his hyung. The fingers interlocked with their own and easily pulled them to Doyoung’s room, which was somehow vacant from any managers.

“Go shower, I’ll be back.” Mark actually winced at the harsh tone, but they deserved that. Doyoung was all sharp tone and thorny edges, it was a defense mechanism, Mark reminded himself. Taeyong and Mark slowly went through their nightly routine—both because they were exhausted and Mark probably had a light sprain on his ankle and Taeyong’s back was in pain.

“We’ll get an earful once he’s back,” Taeyong chuckled at Mark as he helped the younger towel-drying his hair. There was no reluctance underlying Taeyong’s voice and Mark once again felt guilty for wanting to skip that part. He just wanted to sleep honestly, all of his joints hurt and he thought he’d cry if he got scolded right now.

When Doyoung came back with two mugs of warm soy-milk—something light and warm for their too empty stomach—they were already on the verge of sleeping together in the manager’s bed. Cramped but warm. Doyoung 's eyes sweeped at them with another disapproving stare before giving the mugs to their hands and asking Taeyong to move to Doyoung’s bed.

“Doyoung~” Taeyong whined, “It’s cold and lonely here!”

Doyoung hissed before his glare softened at Taeyong, “Just wait for me a little bit. Now, what hurts?” Doyoung directed his question to Mark.

Mark was too tired to lie. 

“My left ankle.” He pouted.

Doyoung frowned as he looked at Mark’s ankle. It had started swelling and Doyoung propped his leg up on his lap, his fingers massaging the swelling gently. The fingers were as warm as the milk in his mug and stomach, and Mark almost got teary eyed at whatever was happening right now.

"You know how many times I reminded you to take breaks if your ankle hurts, Mark.” The tone was harsh. It was always harsh, but the slight tremble in his voice was also loud and clear. “What if it’s more than just a light sprain? Why did you never listen,” he sighed.

“Sorry, Hyung,” Mark said genuinely. Although, he couldn’t help his smile from blooming at the warmth that spread in his chest.

“Why are you smiling? I know you love performing and all, where would you be if this turned out to be more than a light sprain, Mark Lee!” Doyoung’s eyebrows furrowed so deep, they left a dent in the middle of his forehead. Taeyong suddenly snickered on the bed across from them. Doyoung truly hissed. “What’s so funny, Hyung?”

Taeyong giggled as he tried to copy the tremble in Doyoung’s voice when he scolded Mark—he failed terribly, but it still drew a laugh out of Mark. “Just say you care about us and leave, Doyoung-ah. Ah, our Doyoungie must be so worried, hm? Poor Doie~” Mark truly laughed at the babying tone Taeyong had picked up in the middle of the sentence. He could see Doyoung almost seething before taking a deep breath to compose himself.

“Okay fine, I care about you all, so please— _ please, _ take some breaks in between, eat something, free me from this hell.” he said exasperatedly and Taeyong’s eyes softened gradually.

“Don’t worry, Doyoungie, we’ll be okay. Right, Mark?” 

Mark enthusiastically nodded his head. Doyoung just rolled his eyes at them before taking a bottle of massaging oil from his drawers and sitting beside Taeyong. He pushed Taeyong’s shirt up and without any hesitation poured the oil all over his back before massaging it gently—as if he had done this a million times. He probably had, Mark thought. The appreciative sounds that Taeyong let out proved Mark’s thought.

They spent the time talking with each other, Taeyong telling Doyoung about their struggles and Doyoung giving any advice that he could think of. The comfortable ambience and soft chattering lulled Mark to an almost slumber—a state where he wasn’t really asleep yet, but he couldn’t open his eyes either.

“Don’t sleep here, Hyung, go back to your room, or sleep with Mark. I’m not having my bed tainted with massaging oil.” Mark heard the soft sentence being thrown out—too fond and soft to be teasing. The next thing he knew, Taeyong had come back to their bed, carefully stepping over Mark and taking his place on the side with the wall. Mark instinctively curled over to Taeyong’s warmth, making the older pull him to his chest.

“Why are you not asleep yet?” Taeyong asked softly, almost a whisper.

“Almost,” Mark mumbled. They got quiet for a moment before Mark broke it. “Hyung?”

Taeyong hummed.

“I’m happy to have all of you in my life.” His words were probably slurred, but he hoped Taeyong got what he meant. The tightening arms around his torso told him so.

“We’re happy to have you too, Markie. Go to sleep.” Mark could feel the slight touch of lips to the crown of his head, and without another second he was out like a light.

♤

Sometimes love could be felt even through text, especially when it came from the right person.

**Winwin Hyung** [00.12]

_ Happy birthday, Mark!! _

**Markie** [00.12]

_ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! _

_ HYUNG!!!! _

_ THANK YOU!!!! _

_ i miss you _ 🥺🥺

**Winwin Hung** [00.14]

_ junnie and lele are coming to our dorm this week _

_ come along!! _

**Markie** [00.14]

_ ahhh YESS!! _

_ please prepare a gift for me  _ 👉👈

_ ㅋㅋㅋ kidding! _

**Winwin Hyung** [00.15]

_ already wrapped with a bow on top Mark _

_ also i think Lucas missed you too much _

_ prepare for some tight hugs _

**Markie** [00.15]

_ only if you join  _ 🥺

**Winwin Hyung** [00.16]

_ always markie _

_ had i ever denied your cuddle?! _

_ im offended _

**Markie** [00.16]

_ all the time hyung!! >:( _

**Winwin Hyung** [00.16]

_ ㅋㅋㅋ just come!!  _

_ it will be a part of your bday gift!! _

“What makes you smile that big?” a pillow was thrown on his face which made him drop his phone. He looked at his companion in faux annoyance. “What? You’re the one who acted all sad and mopey a few minutes ago!”

Mark couldn’t keep the smile from blooming again, “Winwin Hyung texted me and I’m coming to their dorm this week.” Hyuck looked at him as if Mark had done something so scandalous at him. 

“And you didn’t think to invite me?!” The overly exaggerated pout that Hyuck showed only amused Mark further, making him forget about the reason for the ugly feelings that resided in his guts just a moment ago. He poked his tongue out at Hyuck childishly.

“No, go to them next week or some—”

The door to his room was suddenly slammed open, making him jump at the sound. Mark caught the small smirk on Hyuck’s face before looking at the source of the sudden commotion. His jaws dropped open before his lips stretched into one of his widest grins. Doyoung was standing in front of his room’s entrance with a birthday cake and lit candles on top of it. The rest of his members were standing beside and behind Doyoung—Taeyong popped a small confetti before they started singing the birthday song together, Hyuck included.

“Happy birthday, Mark!!” Johnny yelled as he bounced on his feet. They all crowded him, sitting around on the bed as the cake was put in the middle. Mark looked at Hyuck in bewilderment.

“Yes, I’m just a decoy,” Hyuck said as he grinned mischievously. “Happy birthday, Mark Lee.”

“Quick blow your candle, so we can give you your presents!” Taeyong said impatiently. Mark could feel his heart swell into ten times its normal size—almost suffocating, but he never felt warmer. He closed his eyes, sending his prayer—the wishes he never got to say in real life.

He wished for the continuity of his group—not for their fame and success, but simply so that he could keep being surrounded by these people in his every day. It sounded selfish, but he was allowed to be one on his birthday.

He wished for the health and happiness of his members that had kept him standing on his feet and preserved the happiness in his heart—to keep it flickering, never once extinguished.

He wished that he could give them all the comfort and love they deserve, as they had given him more than he ever needed.

He wished, and wished, and wished that all of his wishes would come true before blowing the candles out. A few kisses from God knows who were being slammed into his cheeks, his temples, the top of his head in a quick succession. And when Mark looked at them, they all looked back at him—eyes twinkling under the soft light of Mark’s room and happy smiles attached on their faces.

Mark never felt warmer. He wanted to explode.

This was his home.

This was where he belonged.

The people that he loved and who accepted him as he is. With them, he had grown so much, going through the damn journey of self discovery, which he hadn’t found the end line yet. He had stumbled so much along the way, but they kept catching him before he could fall, and they kept him standing.

These people were his family and for them, he was Mark.

That was enough. That was simply everything that he needed to be.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> find me on twt @seohyuckie! <3


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